(sorry... pics from my phone)I had planned on doing a Father's Day post with cute pictures of me as a little girl with my Daddy, but that didn't happen. Maybe next year? Anyways... Happy FATHER'S Day to all!
As I was getting pictures off my camera for the picture book of today's activities, I came across the pics I took of Dre making his first blanket. He asked me to make him a Texas R@angers blanket, but he had no idea I would be making him help!
he was so proud!
Now on to today's projects... the yard. We actually started last night but it got too dark to work and had to call it quits. Since I planted the trees along our back fence in March, we have been struggling to mow and weed-eat around them, so we decided to make a flower bed around them! We're also hoping that this will keep Lola from trampling them when people walk by and from running full speed and punching the fence causing boards to break. Don't worry, the dogs have windows that John felt they needed so they could look out (I think he just got bored one day!) and a little bricked area to sit/lay on. 
There are 13 crape mertyls across the back fence and two oak trees in the yard. Every time a crape mertyl blooms its like Christmas - these were given to us and we have NO idea the colors! So far 1 pink and 1 purple. YAY!
the other oak tree that will eventually shade the deck
We also worked on pulling the bottom of the fence posts that were still in the ground up so new posts can be set. I believe that one side will be done this week, but we aren't sure when the other side will be back up. We're blessed to have neighbors that don't care if our dogs come play in their yards!
Lilly is so nice to put up with her little sister Lola!
I think it is time for me to go to bed. Oh... and I think I need to get a tanning membership to even out my magnificent farmer's tan! (it really is the worst I've ever seen.... I mean, how many people have ever had half of a shin on one leg and the top of the thigh on the other????)John and I have been continually praying through our options from this post. God has not revealed to us which option He wants us to pursue, but He is still pushing us to act. After prayer, discussion, and some research, we are leaning towards working on our home study. A home study is required for ALL adoptions and it is something we can do to move us forward in the process, but not commit us to one specific path. The home study we are talking about pursuing will not work on international adoption, but will work on all domestic adoptions - agency, private, or foster care.
I do catch myself getting a head, but I have to remind myself that God will direct our paths and He will provide everything we need. So comforting.
Yesterday we had a project day for the blanket group I work with. My goal was 4 quilt tops, but I only finished 1.5 while I was there. (I finished the other half last night) Here are the results...
the girls are going to be the other side
love this one!
Its the middle of the night and something has awakened me. I sit up in the darkness for a minute so my eyes can adjust before getting up. As I rise and begin to walk, my eyes are still finalizing their adjustment to the lack of light and constantly trying to close as I move away from the bed. My hands stretch out and begin feeling around making up for my missing sight. I feel the edge of the bed and start to move around so I don't hurt myself. **WHACK** I stub my toe and, being fully awake now, stumble on my way, trying my best to not wake up my sleeping husband.
This is how I feel I have been navigating through life lately. I've debated about posting this for sometime now, but the urge just will not go away, and we are at a point now that the more prayers the better!
After John finished chemo, we struggled with learning how to obey God's obvious answer of "wait" when it came to asking about children. I even mildly posted about it here and here. As we learned to live life without the constant thoughts of growing our family, it became a distant dream that would come true one day, but was out of our reach. Our focus was just on each other and enjoying life - and it was GOOD! But, recently we have found God pushing us to move forward with pursuing the growth of our family.
When John was diagnosed in 2007, we learned that with most of the big agencies around here we would have to wait 3-5 years after John was in remission before re-applying, but with Foster Care, we only had to wait a year (or less) before starting the process. As we were beginning to feel God's push, we decided that Foster to Adopt was the way to go and did not look into any other options.
A few weeks ago, we started our classes to become foster parents. As we were getting ready to leave for the first class, I looked at John and told him I wasn't sure this was what we were supposed to do. As the weekend went along, we continually switched between being excited and unsure that this was the way God intended to grow our family. Ultimately, we finished our classes completely confused and unsure of what to do! We have tried to put "why" into words many times, but it always seems so petty and incomplete. The only way we can explain it, is just an unpeaceful feeling. Every time we discuss our concerns, we are always in line with each other.
We have also been surrounded by pregnancies (4 more to go) and babies (5 born in May), and even at one point thought that we might be pregnant ourselves. For the record, although we have never been told we can't have bio kids, it will only happen by an act of God - which we know He can do! When God showed us we were not pregnant, I had an enormous breakdown and experienced a great pain that I have not felt in 2+ years. I was able to rebound pretty quickly, but then had another (not-so-bad) moment about a week later when I found out 2 more friends were pregnant (6 more to go now).
Now we find ourselves here.
Struggling.
Stumbling.
Trying to decipher our wants from God's will.
Part of the struggle, and something we have discussed multiple times, is that we both feel like we have greatly regressed in how we have learned to accept and face our fertility issues. Before the possible pregnancy, we had learned to be so excited for our friends having babies, to accept that we may never have bio kids, and we saw (and still do see) what a blessing it has been for God to say "wait".
We would love to have bio kids, but adoption has always been part of our plan. We even discussed adoption before marriage!
The main struggle is HOW do we adopt? The methods seem to be endless - foster, domestic, open, closed, private, adoption facilitator, international, surrogacy, embryo adoption, etc. Some of these options are very easy to rule out, as was fertility treatments.
(FYI - as we first faced fertility issues, we discussed very openly all options, including those we were not comfortable with. We knew it had to be done so that every option was covered. We had decided where we were comfortable and where our cut off was, but God never let us get there - and we are thankful.)
As much as this seems to take over my mind, heart, and being, the bigger struggle is the desire to spend all my time in God's word; for He is the only One who can give us the answer we are looking for.
Stumbling.
All I want is to open the Bible and find the verse that says, "Here is your plan..." or "Step 1..." or "If you do...then...". I know it will never happen, but the answer is in there. God knows it. He will reveal it to us. For now, we stumble in the darkness trying not to fall (and if we do, He is there to catch us).
I don't want to make it seem easy, or that we are not wrestling with this as much as we are, but I am honestly thankful for this situation. I don't think I have ever felt this close to our Lord. I don't think He has ever pulled me in as tightly as he has within the last few weeks. We seem to stand with our arms outstretched screaming, "Lord! Tell us what you want us to do so we can follow" but the answer is not clear. I almost feel the answer may be "struggle" or "stumble". And I am good with that.
God is faithful.
He will fulfill His promises.
He will never leave me or forsake me.
I know today is almost over, but I wanted to take a moment (just before bed) to wish my best friend Mica a Happy Birthday!! I know she is not here with us anymore, but I will never forget her. She would have been 28 today.
Thanks to my new bloggy friend, Holly, I now have a blog award to start (I don't think I've ever received one before, but don't have the time to look) collection! Yay!!
The Rules of Accepting and Sharing this Award:
1. Put the logo on your blog or post
2. Nominate at least 10 blogs that show an attitude of gratitude
3. Link to your nominees within your post
4. Comment on their blogs to let them know they’ve received this award
5. Share the love and link to this post and the person who nominated you for the award.
6. Tell us how you’ve come to have an attitude of gratitude.
What am I grateful for in the blogging world?
People and the support that they give. The friends that I have made through this blog and the support they have given me is beyond anything words can express!! For those who have been with me since the beginning (or have found the time to go back and read most of the past posts) know that this originally started as an adoption blog. Quickly it turned into a place to keep a journal of our experience with John's cancer. For me, it was a place for lots and lots of hugs, encouragement, and support as I needed it to keep going and putting on that smiling face for my husband! Since God healed him over a year ago (whoo hoo! Thank you LORD!!) this has just been a place to blog about everything and anything. I am so thankful for each of ya'll - even though I may not comment often, I read all the time!!!!
My 10 people, in ABSOLUTELY no order, are:
1. April - Living to Love (for being my first blog friend)
2. Kelly - Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds (for all the support you've given me over the years)
3. Leigh - Mostly about Glory (for just being awesome you!)
4. Kathy - The New Wolfepack (for being such an inspirational mother)
5. Margo and Clayton - Meet the Faulkners (for introducing me to the bloggy world)
6. Susan - Home Sweet Bently (for being a great friend and motivator)
7. Deneise - Rothenberger~Palooza (for posting 10 times in a day and then nothing for a month)
8. Kristy - Four Great Boys (for being so caring)
9. Mama Bean - Girls, Girls Everywhere (for giving us guidance when we needed it)
10. Laurie - Pho for Five (for making me laugh everyday and being so open and honest)
P.S. Dad - I love you and as you know, am VERY thankful for being blessed with you as my dad, but... you got booted from my list because you ditched your blog for FB! =0)~
Well, at least on Saturday! I think its easier to show in pictures.
square for work Blanketeer auction quilt...
next quilt
